Don't give up!

It has taken me a long time to come to a realization of something mom has been trying to help me understand for years.  I am very much a "100% or nothing" person--do it all or don't do it at all.  I know this kind of attitude is good in some areas of life, but it is NOT good in MOST areas of life.  In fact, it has kept me from establishing good habits that are sustainable.  An example of this is exercise.  I suspect that I'm not alone in saying that I go in spurts.  I make lofty (and to be honest completely unrealistic) goals of how I'm going to transform my life.  I'll make a plan to get up at 5:30 a.m. six days a week and exercise for at least 1 hour.  I will plan to eat healthy foods, cut out desserts, etc.  You know how the story goes.  I start off with a bang and do really well for...2-3 days.  I might even make it a week (and if I'm really determined into my second week).  The problem is that I miss a day and then two and then three and I get discouraged and give up.  If I can't exercise the complete hour (and do it to perfection), I feel like a failure and just give up.  I stop altogether.  It sounds ridiculous, but this is how I have lived much of my life.

Mom's philosophy has always been, "Well, if you can't do 1 hour, then do 30 minutes.  If you can't do 30 minutes, then do 10 minutes.  If you can't do it today, then make sure you do it tomorrow."  The point here is don't give up.  Don't give in.  Don't stop.  Don't let the voices inside you make you think you are worthless or a failure. Keep going.  It is better to do a little bit and continue down the path than it is to get discouraged if you don't do it perfectly.  I am certainly not condoning procrastination or mediocrity.  We should strive to be the best we can be, but when we fall down, don't stay down.  Get back up and give it another shot.  Perfection doesn't come all at once.  We might have to walk before we can jog and jog some more before we can run.    

Our bishop has given each of us a challenge to read 2 chapters a day from the Book of Mormon and finish before our trek this summer.  I know if you get behind in this, it can seem overwhelming to try to catch up. Your impulse might be, "Well, if I can't finish by the trek, then I might as well give up.  I'm so far behind I'll never be able to finish at this rate."  I'm hear to tell you that you don't need to listen to that nonsense going on inside your head.  So you got behind...so what!?  Just pick up where you left off and move forward.  If two chapters is too much, then only do a chapter or 15 minutes or a few verses.  If you miss a day, then make sure you do it tomorrow.  It is much more important that you build the habit in your life than it is to finish by May.  As you build your habit muscles, it will become easier over time.  You just need to give yourself time to get those muscles moving.  Don't fall into the "100% or nothing" trap.  By and large, it is not a productive way to live.  

Love you forever!

Dad

Kindness Starts at Home

I have long believed that one of our most important purposes on earth has to do with how we treat others.  Kindness, compassion, mercy, love, and selflessness are the characteristics that if learned and lived daily will mark the truly great life.  In the final analysis, our positions, our prosperity, our accomplishments, and our looks will have no bearing whatsoever on our ultimate success.  God simply looks past those things and straight at our heart.

I find it baffling that sometimes we seem to treat complete strangers or casual acquaintances with more kindness than we do those to whom we are closest.  I understand this is often because of our familiarity with our families and love ones.  After all, we've seen them at their best and their worst.  Maybe we feel justified because we think they will always forgive us...they are family, right?

The more I experience in life, however, I believe that our public persona (the person we show to the world) should in reality be a reflection of who we are privately.  It is our private person where the real "me" shines forth.  Who are you being in your home, with your family, and maybe most importantly alone?  It is that person with whom God is most concerned.  In other words, I don't believe that there should be a double standard.  We should be consistently kind, considerate, and full of compassion no matter where we find ourselves.

Procrastination...the death of good intentions

I know I have struggled with procrastination throughout my life in one degree or another.  My guess is that this is pretty common.  Putting off doing things until later can be SOOOO easy to do.  And why not?  Who wants to do all those difficult tasks right now?  I'd much rather do something that I ENJOY doing or that doesn't require much thought or effort and leave the really important things that I NEED to do until later.  I'll always have time later, right?  Sadly, this misconception about time is all too prevalent.  The fact is, if we put off all of our good intentions until later, what do we have? The answer is typically not much...very little growth, lack-luster improvement, no really important accomplishments, and you're left with the satisfaction of only completing something of minor significance instead of something that can really make a difference.  Someone once told me that he was questioning whether or not he should start on his advanced degree or work for another couple of years before starting.  His father told him, "Well, in three years you'll be three years older with an advanced degree or you'll be three years older without the degree.  Either way, the same time will pass."  Hmmm...so simple, yet so true.  Doesn't that apply to anything we do?

1. In an hour after school, I can finish my homework or I can watch a re-run on TV.  Either way, the same hour goes by.  Which will be most helpful?
2. I have a week before an assignment is due.  I can work on that assignment consistently for a few minutes (or an hour) each day (which, by the way, will lead to less stress and better learning), or I can let the week go idly by and spend many minutes (or hours) the night before cramming to get it done.  Either way, the same week still passes.

Often when we procrastinate, we feel that we'll have time later to get our tasks done.  What really ends of happening in too many cases is that we start late and run out of time to do the job adequately.  We end up trying to cram too much into too little time.  This does not provide for optimal results (and many times the results can be disastrous).  A great example of this is an assignment to read a book in school.  If we consistently read a few minutes everyday, we find that we get through the book easily in the assigned time period and even have time for thoughtful analysis.  On the other hand, if we put off reading always thinking, "Oh, I'll have time later," then we often end up reading spark notes right before the assignment is due trying to come to a very low level of understanding just to pass a quiz or a test.  In other words, disaster at worst or passing with no real learning taking place at best.  

If I can suggest one area of your life to definitely not procrastinate, that would be in the development of your testimony of Jesus Christ.  If you constantly go through life, thinking "I'll do it later," your good intentions will die having never come to fruition.  They will remain intentions...something you fully intended to do, but somehow never got around to it.  When it comes down to it, your testimony is less about what you know in your head and more about what you become in your heart.  Can you really fully become what God wants you to become by cramming with life's spark notes in desperation as you realize you've nearly waited until it was too late.  I'm not sure even "spark" and his notes can help at that point.  It is much better to just do it NOW and make that a common practice in every area of your life. Why not let your good intentions become what they really should be...great accomplishments!

For my kids...and me

Okay...I am not a writer.  In fact, writing this blog is actually a bit frightening.  I'm trying it, though.  I want to write entries for my kids.  My hope is that they will be able to learn from my mistakes and triumphs and avoid a few pitfalls for themselves.  Life is hard enough and I figure if my kids can learn from my experience, they'll be that much better off.  My motivation for doing this comes largely from my oldest child that I'll refer to as "one." (The others will be two, three, and four...clever, I know.  Now you can see why this is frightening.  I'm not very creative.)   One just left home to go off to college a couple of months ago.  She is changing and growing daily.  I've seen her struggle with a few things, but mostly, I've seen her be very successful in her transition to life on her own.  I'm proud of her (and all of my children).

Today's entry has to do with staying up late.  I've done it for most of my life.  In fact, in all honesty, there have only been a few short stints of time that I would have called myself a "morning person."  Traditionally, I have waited until the kids are in bed and then spent some personal time doing some things that I have wanted to do for me.  More often than not, that turns into vegging in front of the TV or a movie or reading useless things on the internet.  At times I do very useful things (e.g. reading the scriptures), but even that is inconsistent at those late hours. The only consistent thing has been that I stay up too late.  It has taken me a lifetime to learn that going to be early and getting up early is really beneficial.  Not even just beneficial.  It is amazing!  There are many reasons, but I'd like to list a few of them.

• I'm a happier person (not nearly as grumpy)
• I'm more patient
• I can think more clearly
• I am more creative
• I get more done during the entire day
• I feel better
• I have more energy
• I'm a better husband, a better father, a better worker...certainly not perfect, but just better

I truly believe the words found in D&C 88:121 "...cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to they bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated."  Believing is one thing.  Living is another.  Does my faith and belief lead me to action in this case?  It hasn't for many years, but that is changing and I am finding great blessings that are coming into my life.  I hope my children (who all seem to have the same bad habits of staying up late...hmmm...wonder where they learned that) will learn from my experience and choose to be a morning person.  Your whole life will be better, more productive, more spiritual, and happier.   I know what you're thinking.  Trust me.  Just do it and you'll be amazed at the difference it makes.  You can't help but be better when going to bed early and getting up early.